Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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