if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
