she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
