Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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