I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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