Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
