the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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