I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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