Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He did a backflip because drugs
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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