dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
