i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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