Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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