There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
