After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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