Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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