I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Boobs speak an international language.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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