a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
