So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
