I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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