do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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