thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
