She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize