And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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