i just snorted my name. best moment ever
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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