went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
