there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
time to smoke my breakfast
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
