They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
