You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
