FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
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My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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