I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
