Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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