I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
