omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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