I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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