We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
