I don't usually arrange sex via text message
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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