I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
