gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
