dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.