I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.