Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?