I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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