Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
