no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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