I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
