I wanna bring you to show and tell
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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