Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
