Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
