omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
