he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
