i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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