I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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