I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
