Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
