When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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