I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
