So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
