I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
