he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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