____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
