What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
