it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
